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Growing up, my big brother, Nick, and I played something we called The Punting Game. It started when we lived in Los Angeles, in the early nineties. We’d both wear full football uniforms, complete with helmets. As if to enhance our sibling rivalry, I, four years old at the time, would wear the black-and-silver uniform of the Los Angeles Raiders. Nick, three years and nine months older, and so quite a bit bigger at the time, would wear the blue-and-yellow of the Los Angeles Rams. In my memory, Nick and I would stand on opposite sides of the yard and he would punt a football to me. (According to Nick, my dad was the one doing the punting.) My objective was to catch the ball, evade Nick, and run to the other side of the yard. Nick’s objective was to tackle me. Seems fair enough—until you consider that our yard was not very big, and these punts arced high and hung in the air long enough that I often collected the ball just in time to be flattened. I don’t remember ever getting to punt. I do remember getting tackled—a lot.
This was as it should be: I am the…
This article originally appeared in the June 1998 issue of Esquire. You can find every Esquire story ever published at Esquire Classic.
Perhaps you’ve seen the famous image that decorated everything from medallions to Wedgewood plates in the eighteenth century: a black slave bound, kneeling, eyes fixed heavenward, who asks, “Am I not a man and a brother?” Lincoln freed the slaves, so the story goes, and all men are created equal and therefore deserve equal protection of the law, but a brother . . . brother’s a different matter altogether, isn’t it.
I mean, if we’re brothers, who’s the mama? Who’s the daddy? Are we talking literal brothers here or some metaphysical tarbrush staining us all just because we all wiggle through the birth canal, born of woman, born to die?
Brother. Isn’t that what black guys call one another, and isn’t it reverse discrimination—a watered-down, conspiratorial echo of black power? Doesn’t the phrase “brotherhood of man” suggest a primal division—God’s separate creation of his creatures, multiple evolutionary bloodlines of white, black, red, and yellow—that it’s our duty to keep pure? Broederbond. Aryan brotherhood. The lost and found Nation of Islam.
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